I Kissed A Girl
by alienyouthct
Summary: Mary Jane Watson kisses a girl and she likes it. Illyria kisses a girl and she likes it. Peter Parker… it just sucks to be Peter.
1. Chapter One

Title: Live This Life  
Author: JoeHundredaire  
Rating: R/FR18.  
Disclaimer: Crackhead Whedon owns Sunnydale, Buffy, Dawn, and the rest of the universe. _'Live This Life'_ is the property of Big & Rich. Let's just go with 'not mine' and leave it as that.  
Summary: Buffy always was a selfish girl, at least in Dawn's opinion. Thank God one of the Summers sisters is capable of keeping a clear head in a crisis.  
Joe's Note: Another 'iPod was on shuffle and a song came on' moment. Enjoy and as always, review.

* * *

_'I'll live this life until this life won't let me live here anymore,  
Then I will walk, yes I will walk, with patience through that open door.  
I have no fears; angels follow me wherever I may go.  
I'll live this live until this life won't let me live here anymore…'_

* * *

In the past, Dawn Summers had often complained that her sister was a selfish bitch. Well, never with the b-word. That would have gotten her mouth washed out with soap so fast… but the sentiment was there. Buffy was selfish. Buffy was always too busy thinking about her own needs.

Even now, she was all busy being all protect-o girl and trying to keep Dawn from her destiny… for what? Buffy was going to leave the world defenseless, with the only other slayer in prison for murder one, to save her little sister? What the hell was that? And her little speech? The hardest thing in the world is to live in it? That was rich, coming from a girl who was jumping at the chance (no pun intended) to kill herself.

Well you know what? Screw that. She wasn't a little kid. She was fourteen years-old and she could make her own damn decisions. Her own choices. And her choice was that at least one of them was going to think of the other seven billion people on the planet before deciding which one of them had to die. "Wait! Buffy!" Her sister turned to look back at her and Dawn took a step forward. "I just wanted to say… I love you, Buffy."

"I love you too, Dawn." Buffy gave her a sad smile before turning back towards the crackling portal, her face becoming an expressionless mask as she prepared for what she had to do. "Remember, you have to take care of them. You all have to take care of each other."

Inching forward, Dawn nodded. "Okay. And Buffy?" Her sister gave one final look back and Dawn brought her hand up, smashing the brick she'd grabbed into her sister's face. "Giles is going to be really pissed you never listened when he talked about situational awareness."

The blonde's body began to tip forward and Dawn quickly grabbed her sister by the back of her shirt, yanking back swiftly to keep Buffy from plunging off the tower anyway. That would be embarrassing: go through all that and have Buffy die anyways. After dragging Buffy to safety, Dawn took a deep breath. It was all about the blood… her blood… if jumping into the portal was good enough a solution for Buffy, it would work for her too, right?

Dawn took another breath and charged forwards, legs pumping as she picked up speed. Behind her, she could hear Buffy's pained groan… she should have known something so simple wouldn't keep a slayer down for long… and then a scream. But by then she was past the point of no return and she threw her arms out as she dove over the side of the tower. Feeling a bit whimsical, she tipped forwards as she fell, imitating the divers she'd seen on the Olympics that summer. She managed an entire rotation and a bit more, hitting the crackling portal of energy ass-first.

As pain blossomed through her rear before spreading out through the rest of her body, Dawn had time for one last thought: being a hero wasn't as easy as Buffy made it look.

* * *

Rising above the many and varied parallel mortal planes, the Key of Dimensions entered a level of ascendance commonly referred to by mortals as 'Heaven'. Initiating a purge, it attempted to find and discharge of all the foreign matter that was Dawn Summers… her memories… the slight bit of magic she'd accumulated from living on the Hellmouth… and her soul. After watching the remains of Dawn move off to join the others of her kind, the Key turned away and dove back down into the multiplicity that was the multiverse… unaware of the bit of Dawn Summers tagging along behind like a metaphysical hitchhiker.

* * *

"I wish my boyfriend was more like you, Dawn."

"Really? I didn't know you went that way, MJ." The two girls looked at each other before dissolving into giggles, Mary Jane Watson leaning over to shove Dawn Banner hard. Unfortunately for her, Mary Jane was only human while her best friend was not and so the move was about as effective as a screen door on a submarine. "No, seriously, I think he's a douche and so I don't know why I'm defending him… but it seems like he tries. And how many times have you gotten bruised up because you hang around me?"

Scowling, Mary Jane picked up her Corndog on a Stick and bit into it viciously. "At least you give me that choice. I could avoid you if I didn't want to be around a superheroine. Since I'm still here… pretty clear that I want to stick around, right?" Dawn nodded. "Peter just spends so much time hiding to try and protect people like his aunt and I… and then we get hurt anyways. What the hell's the point? It just eats into what little time there actually could be in his life for the people who do care."

Dawn opened her mouth to reply, only to be interrupted as an almighty crash disturbed the normal noises of the mall. People began screaming and she sighed, putting down her lemonade and rising from her seat. "Let me just say that boys are deeply stupid creatures, but we're going to need to hold that thought. Speaking of superheroine-me, it's time for me to earn my keep." Pulling out her cell phone, she tossed it to the redhead. "Call my dad, would you?"

Trailing behind obediently as Dawn sought out the source of the disturbance, Mary Jane dialed the phone and waited for it to connect. "Hi… Doctor Banner? Mary Jane here. Mary Jane Watson. Your daughter's best friend?" There was a pause and she sighed. "Yes, the redhead dating Spider-Man. You know, you should really take a bigger interest in Dawn's life if that's the only reason you recognize my name. Anyways, Dawn and I are at the Midtown Mall and something's attacking. She's going to investigate. Thought you'd want to know." Flipping the phone shut, she tucked it into her cleavage. "So what are we figuring, half an hour before the Ultimates show up? If they even come?"

"Yeah. Thor and Sif can teleport but SHIELD has to track them down and let them know something's going on, which might take a while. Steve and Jan will probably take a chopper with Clint and Tasha. If Tony's sober, he could be here in twenty maybe. He'll probably wait for the others so he doesn't have to come in solo, though. Hank's still laid up because he hit Jan and then I hit him." Dawn shook her head in disbelief. "Million dollar supersoldier, out of commission because of a package of Pop Tarts. I know the cherry ones are good, but that's just ridiculous."

Mary Jane sighed and shook her head. "With friends like yours, who needs enemies? And who knows where my boyfriend is. Paper… home… somewhere with that skank Gwen… visiting the Fantastic Four… looks like it's just you and me. Lead on, Macduff."

Cracking her neck, Dawn reached down and touched the bright green core of power pulsing inside her. Unlike her last incarnation, she was most definitely aware that she was not a 'real' girl and the exact nature of her existence… but did it really matter? She felt affection for the man she'd picked as a father, enjoyed the company of her friends, and it hurt when she got smacked around by villains. That made her real enough, didn't it?

Tearing away the chains she used to restrain her power, Dawn let it flood through her body. Her nerves began to panic and fire off pain signals that she expertly blocked, having gone through the transformation enough times that she didn't let it affect her anymore. Her skin shifted from the pale tone of someone who spent far too much time inside to a deep green color, her chocolate brown hair likewise turning a deep forest green. Her muscles bulged and her bones creaked as she put on almost a foot in height and over five hundred pounds in a matter of seconds. Then came the stage her father hated most: when her body remembered it was in fact female and the transformation sculpted her a new set of curves appropriate for a being of her height. The terrified crowd around them surged backwards as Dawn reared back before bringing her fists down hard against the tiled floor of the food court. "EMERALD SMASH!"

"Oh snap, it's the crazy monster who eats people!"

Scowling, Dawn straightened up and brushed away the remains of her street clothes. While they were toast, at least the black pants and sports bra the Fantastic Four had provided her with had survived the transformation intact. "My old man goes all Soylent Green once and they hold it against you forever…" Pressing onward, she laughed as the crowd parted like the Red Sea before her. "C'mon, Red. Time to go see who's getting their ass kicked today."


	2. Chapter Two

Title: I Kissed A Girl  
Author: JoeHundredaire  
Rating: R/FR18  
Disclaimer: Mary Jane Watson and the rest of Earth-1610 (aka the Ultimate Imprint) belongs to people in Marvel, who aren't me. And I'm not Joss Whedon or someone who might be able to legally make money off the Buffyverse. Not mine!  
Summary: Mary Jane Watson kisses a girl and she likes it. Illyria kisses a girl and she likes it. Peter Parker… it just sucks to be Peter.  
Joe's Note: Blame iTunes for this one. Katy Perry is the #1 single overall on the store right now, so I peeked in because… well, a female singer whose top single is 'I Kissed A Girl'? Giggity. Got the song, wrote the fic, posted the fic. Enjoy. Oh, and for those of you who don't see the disclaimer or know enough about the various Marvel universes to distinguish them from each other, this is Earth-1610 aka the Ultimate Universe, so Peter and Mary Jane are still in high school and just starting to deal with most of Peter's classic villains.

* * *

_I kissed a girl and I liked it!  
The taste of her cherry chapstick…  
I kissed a girl just to try it!  
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it…  
It felt so wrong, it felt so right,  
Don't mean I'm in love tonight.  
I kissed a girl and I liked it!  
I liked it…_

* * *

Standing in the New York graveyard, staring at the bubbling mass on the ground, Illyria felt an odd stirring of… curiosity, she believed the human emotion was called. A bit of her shell's personality leaking through yet again, a more and more common occurrence as she spent more time in this modern human world and drew on those sparks of sentience to survive among its people.

In her day, beings who could survive lightning strikes weren't uncommon. Beings who could call and direct lightning, even, were numerous. But here in this modern age, the fragile muck that crawled over every square inch of the planet were nowhere near as hardy. By all accounts, the adolescent who had thrown himself from a rooftop onto the nearby power lines should have died. Instead, he'd left behind a black, bubbling mass as he struggled to his feet and dragged himself off into the night.

Bending down, Illyria prodded the odd mess with one finger. Even with her hand covered by the glove of her bodysuit, she was her bodysuit and could feel the heat the goo gave off. It tingled as it slid over her fingers, sticking stubbornly as she pulled her hand away before snapping back into a puddle as she gave a yank and freed herself. A tiny bit remained on her glove and Illyria turned to scrape it off using one of the nearby headstones when she froze.

_'Needhostsurviveempoweryou.'_

Illyria stared down at the black bit clinging stubbornly to her fingertip and tilted her head to the side. It was alive? In the days of her reign, there had been some parasitic and symbiotic demon species. It stood to reason they still existed today, seeing as how they could survive by clinging to the backs of other, stronger demons. In the past, she never would have considered such a thing, but after her resurrection and that damnable Mutara Generator, she was so weak… so pitifully weak. _'What do you offer me, lowly slime, that would make you worthy of being bonded to a being of my greatness?'_

Images bombarded her mind, of a black-clad figure performing feats of incredible strength, absorbing blasts of energy and the muck's bits of flying metal as if they were nothing, and shooting some sort of tendril to swing between buildings. _'Formerhostpowerful. Fearownself. KepthisgiftsIgivetoyou.'_

While they were nothing like her old powers, Illyria undeniably craved power in and of itself. If this… odd goo, which she had come to realize lacked a demonic taint, was able to give her the abilities she had seen in its mental projections, she would take them and use them as if they were her own. _'Agreed. How?'_

_'Handinpuddleabsorbentiremass.'_

Straightforward enough instructions. Illyria dropped to one knee and slammed her fist down into the middle of the puddle. It let out a screech of dismay before surging upward, working its way up her arm before reaching her shoulder and spreading outward. She felt the slightest tingle of what might have been discomfort as it worked its way over her scalp and face but quickly adjusted. This was not her true form; who cared what her new companion was doing to her?

Looking her body over, Illyria noticed that her new companion had given her a bit of a… makeover, she believed the term she'd heard from the annoying blonde half-breed was. Her bodysuit was hidden beneath a solid black mass, disrupted only by a white patch on the back of each hand and a large, stylized white arachnid stretching across her chest. An odd design, but she assumed it had some significance to the former host of… _'Do you have a name, lowly one?'_

_'Venomvenomvenomvenom.'_

Interesting. Venom. Had she gained some sort of toxic ability out of her new symbiosis? Something to keep in mind and experiment with when she tracked down another demon, Illyria decided. Speaking of which, the night was young and the graveyard she was still standing in had only been the first stop of many on her patrol route. She took one step toward the exit before pausing and looking down at her hand. Her new powers supposedly included a tendril transportation system…

* * *

That night, more than one demon found that it was no longer enough to simply consider two dimensions when looking for danger.

* * *

Mary Jane Watson shivered as she trudged down the sidewalk, slowly but surely making her way home through the driving rain. Times like this made her wish the bus still stopped in front of her house, as it had when she and Peter were younger, or that she was enough of a morning person to think to check the weather so she'd know if she needed an umbrella or heavier coat, or…"

"Hello, Mary Jane Watson."

The soaked redhead let out a shriek of surprise as a slightly smaller figure stepped out in front of her, forcing Mary Jane to a halt. A girl, she realized, roughly her own age give or take a year. Mary Jane slowly looked the girl up and down: black boots, a black skirt, matching black tank top… with a white spider on the chest? That was odd. Then again, so were the blue streaks among her brown hair and the slight patches of bluish skin along her hairline. Huh. A mutant. Don't stare at the skin… don't stare at the skin… she's just as human as everyone else… "I'm sorry, do I know you?"

Shaking her head, the girl stepped to one side and gestured for Mary Jane to pass, falling in beside her as they continued heading towards the redhead's house. "No. Something has happened, though, and now I know quite a bit about you. And I find myself intrigued by what I know." She paused for a moment, returning the inspection that Mary Jane had bestowed upon her, before holding up her right arm. "Would you prefer to get out of the rain for the rest of our walk? I know that most members of your kind dislike rain, although I find it quite refreshing."

'Your kind'. Definitely a mutant. Still, Mary Jane wasn't going to say no to getting out of the rain even if she was already soaked, and it would be kinda interesting to see someone superhuman up close. Well, without them using said powers to try and kill her. "Sure." As soon as the word left her lips, tendrils began to crawl down the girl's right arm, forming an almost fishnet-esque lattice before reaching her hand and completely covering it. From there, the black mass jetted upward to form the shaft and ribbing of an umbrella. That completed, white webbing erupted from the back of the girl's hand and quickly connected all the gaps, forming a fully formed umbrella for them to huddle under. "Oh… my… God…"

"I was once. Now, I am simply Illyria. You may refer to me as such." Pausing, Illyria considered that for a moment before clarifying. "That is to say, you may refer to me as 'Illyria'. Not as 'Such'. Andrew Wells is lucky he enjoys the protection of people I would rather not be bothered with, or I would dismember him for having shown me such disrespect."

Despite finding herself in an increasingly bizarre situation, Mary Jane couldn't help snickering at that statement. It actually sounded like something Peter would… wait… no thinking about Peter. Absolutely not. Peter had been the one to come out and try to tell her who she could be friends with… that Dawn was too dangerous and Mary Jane would get hurt if they hung out together, even going so far as to invoke the Green Goblin as a reminder of what could go wrong. Grr. She could pick her own friends, damnit.

And what, it was okay to date him and for him to be friends with that blonde slutbomb crashing in the room across the hall, but it was too dangerous for Mary Jane to hang out with Dawn around school and at the mall? Pshaw. Yeah right. Out the door for him. She just wished it didn't hurt so bad…

Still, she'd thrown him out of her life and she didn't need him. She wasn't one of those weak little girls who judged their own self-worth by who they were dating. So, pushing Peter out of her mind, Mary Jane decided to focus on this odd little mystery before her, if for no better reason than to keep her mind occupied. "So, considering you came out of nowhere with a spider-themed wardrobe, funky powers, and you 'know me'… I'm going to guess this has something to do with Peter. Still, can you explain a bit more? I could make assumptions, but in the words of Ben Parker, when you assume…"

"…you make an ass out of you and me." Mary Jane looked over at Illyria in shock and the brunette's lips twitched in an odd sort of Mona Lisa half-smile. "You are correct. Your former paramour bonded himself to an organism known as 'Venom'. It made him more powerful, but he feared that power and forced Venom from his body. I have since come into possession of Venom, Peter's powers, and Peter's memories. Meaning I know as much about you as Peter does. Out of the people in his memories, I found you most intriguing and decided to seek you out."

Mary Jane's jaw dropped. Christ almighty, Peter went through some of the weirdest adventures. Although it did explain his sudden abandonment of the red and blue costumes in favor of black; she'd been wondering if he was so pissed about the break-up that he'd done it just to spite her. Then her mind moved from the inconsequential to the serious and she balked. "So you know everything about me that Peter does?" Illyria nodded. "Prove it."

Quirking one brow, Illyria gestured to the houses around them. "The fact that I was able to intercept you on your walk home is not proof enough for you?" Mary Jane shrugged before shaking her head. So what, Illyria knew where she and Peter lived. They were neighbors. That didn't mean anything. Maybe she'd just followed Peter home, gone through some of his stuff, found a picture or two of her, and… "When you were in second grade, you went as Power Rangers for Halloween. Peter was the Blue Ranger because he liked that there was a smart hero, and you were the Yellow Ranger because you refused to wear a skirt." Okay, a bunch of pictures and some good deductive reasoning, but that didn't… "Among the numerous freckles on your body is a pattern of twenty-one slightly more prominent ones occupying the inner curve of your right breast that resemble the constellation Pisces."

Eep.


	3. Chapter Three

Joe's Note: I split the fic in half. Not only were there new bits to this that mean you might want to reread, it also gives it a bump so you know to read it. After all, I'll be introducing either all new content or part three of the series or both. Helps if you know the existing content isn't quite what you read before.

* * *

"Prove it."

Quirking one brow, Illyria gestured to the houses around them. "The fact that I was able to intercept you on your walk home is not proof enough for you?" Mary Jane shrugged before shaking her head. So what, Illyria knew where she and Peter lived. They were neighbors. That didn't mean anything. Maybe she'd just followed Peter home, gone through some of his stuff, found a picture or two of her, and… "When you were in second grade, you went as Power Rangers for Halloween. Peter was the Blue Ranger because he liked that there was a smart hero, and you were the Yellow Ranger because you refused to wear a skirt." Okay, a bunch of pictures and some good deductive reasoning, but that didn't… "Among the numerous freckles on your body is a pattern of twenty-one slightly more prominent ones occupying the inner curve of your right breast that resemble the constellation Pisces."

Eep.

By now, they were standing in front of the Watson residence and Mary Jane wasted no time dragging Illyria inside to continue the discussion. Thankfully neither of her parents were home at the moment, because she had no desire to explain her 'new friend' or have to worry about keeping her voice down if something else coming out of Illyria's mouth shocked the hell out of her. "I'd give you directions to my room, but you know where it is, don't you?" Illyria nodded. "Right. Head upstairs. I'll be up in a second."

Illyria disappeared up the stairs and Mary Jane let out a sigh before dropping her backpack and moving into the kitchen. Filling two ceramic mugs with water, she stuck them in the microwave and went digging through the cabinets for hot cocoa powder as the water heated. Chocolate, after all, made everything in life better. When the microwave beeped at her, she opened the door, cursed as she was stupid enough to grab superheated ceramic with her bare hands, then used a pair of potholders to remove the mugs and place them on the counter. Mixing in the waiting powder, she cleaned up after herself before grabbing the mugs again and heading upstairs. Illyria was stretched out along the length of the bed, resting on her side and waiting for Mary Jane the same Peter had when they'd curled up to talk about life's problems. Opting not to comment on Illyria's choice, Mary Jane held out one of the mugs. "Hey. I made some hot chocolate for us."

"I do not make use of human sustenance…" Err, okay? And great, she'd wasted a packet of her good Godiva brand hot cocoa on the ingrate. Fantastic. Her annoyance must have shown on her face, because Illyria hesitated a moment before leaning forward and accepting the cup anyways. "However, both Peter and my shell were fond of 'chocolate', and so I shall accept your gift."

The step she'd taken forward to give Illyria her mug had elicited a wet squishing noise, reminding Mary Jane of her wet clothes. She looked Illyria up and down; the girl was perfectly dry. Huh. Strange. No puddle on the bed, either, so she hadn't just forced the water off herself. Stranger. At any rate, she needed to get into some dry clothes. Setting down her mug, Mary Jane quickly found a pair of sweats and a t-shirt before looking over at Illyria again. The brunette met her gaze for a moment before returning to her inspection of the room. Great. Either she was oblivious to what Mary Jane needed to do, she was intending to force the redhead out of her own room, or… no, that was about all Mary Jane could come up with.

Actually, screw it. If Illyria had Peter's memories (and how else would she know about the freckles), it wasn't like Mary Jane would be showing her anything new. And she was really tired of being cold and wet. So despite her normal shyness, Mary Jane unzipped her pants before shoving them down her legs and then peeled her shirt off. Just as it hit the ground, she froze as she heard a most unexpected sound.

A wolf-whistle.

Mary Jane turned to stare incredulously at Illyria who, for the first time in their fairly brief period of knowing each other, was actually displaying an emotion: shock. Then the walls inside her came up again and it disappeared, leaving her with a faintly disapproving frown and nothing more. "I… appear to have retained some of Peter's baser instincts as well. Interesting. First the remnants of my shell, now this."

Whatever the hell that meant. "Lovely." Pulling her sweatpants and new shirt on, Mary Jane grabbed her mug of cocoa and gingerly seated herself at the foot of the bed, putting as much distance as she could between herself and her blue-tinged visitor. "Okay, so… we've established how much you know and how you learned it. New question… why are you here?"

Illyria took a few more sips from her mug before frowning and lifting it into the air, tipping it upside-down. Nothing emerged, thankfully, which did nothing to curb the unhappy look but at least meant MJ wouldn't be washing cocoa off her bedding tonight. "An exchange of services." Oh, this ought to be good. "I require a guide to the world of humanity; my Qwa'ha Xahn died and my first guide lost his life in the fight against Wolfram & Hart. I know from the memories I've inherited that you are no longer seeing Peter for numerous reasons. If you will replace my guide for me, I will replace Peter for you."

Do what? Mary Jane was by no means a stupid girl, but even she was confused by exactly what that statement meant. Then, as she thought about it, understanding dawned and her eyes widened. "So wait a minute… you want to date me or something?"

"A simplistic but relatively accurate view of the matter."

"I don't like girls."

"Are you certain of that?"

Mary Jane froze at that. Peter didn't know about that time she kissed Liz Allen at a sleepover, right? And even if he did, he certainly didn't know that Mary Jane had liked it and had been disappointed when Liz didn't want to try again. So Illyria was on a fishing expedition. Alright, just stay calm. "Pretty sure, yeah."

Placing her cup on Mary Jane's nightstand, Illyria extended a tendril and looped it through the handle of the redhead's mug, taking it away and bringing it over to join her own. "If you are only 'pretty sure', then there is still a possibility that you are in error. Therefore, you will kiss me to see whether or not that is true. The… scientific method… I believe you muck call it."

"Woah now. I just broke up with my boyfriend and I don't even know you." And this was why she wanted to stay away from Peter and his utterly bizarre life. Stuff like this hadn't happened to her before he'd been bitten by a spider and turned into a superhero. "And furthermore…" Mary Jane rose from the bed, only to be lifted from her feet with a squeal as Illyria extended both arms black tendrils emerged, wrapping around Mary Jane's arms in three places along with her torso, gently pulling her through the air and depositing her back on the bed beside Illyria. "Okay, I don't know about among you mutants, but with humans, no means no, damnit!"

Illyria's odd little smile returned as the brunette twisted, throwing a leg over Mary Jane's lap and using her weight to pin the prone redhead to the bed before leaning down. "Does it?" Nuzzling against Mary Jane's neck, she sniffed deeply. "Because your body seems to disagree. I can smell it."

Blushing as red as her hair, Mary Jane squirmed underneath Illyria. Okay… the mutant was rather pretty. And Mary Jane obviously had a thing for superhumans… her best friend was one of the strongest novii in existence and her ex-boyfriend liked to dress up like a spider and fight crime. And while she'd never had the courage to voice it to Peter, she'd always wondered what it would be like to have his powers turned on her when their make-out sessions started getting heated. To take it one step further than normal people could and be able to struggle with all her might as he dominated her… not to mention the very naughty potential bondage fun with webbing. Oh, fuck it. "Fine. Kiss me, just so I can prove you wrong." Illyria's left brow twitched upward a hair at that before her silvery-blue lips came down on Mary Jane's.

Oh fuck, she was sunk. It was so odd, to be kissing someone for the first time but lacking the requisite awkward fumbling as they got to know each other. While Illyria's lips were fuller and softer than Peter's, Mary Jane might as well have been kissing him. A hand ran through her hair just like when she and Peter made out, Illyria's fingers seeking out the small patch of bare skin just behind the redhead's ear and teasing it. Peter had discovered that one a few days into their relationship and, just like it always did, it made her whine and squirm, pressing herself against Illyria. That was when she was reminded again that this wasn't Peter, as another pair of breasts pressed against her own, but she found she didn't mind. As a matter of fact, she found her hands wandering up Illyria's sides before cupping said breasts, squeezing them gently.

The very feminine moan that emerged from her partner was enough to make Mary Jane push Illyria back for a moment… or it could have been the lack of oxygen in her lungs. She wasn't quite sure. Taking a deep breath, she stared up at Illyria. "You know, if you're supposed to be my new Peter, you'll have to stop being right in the future. Well, most of the time. I'll allow it maybe… say, a third of the time max."

Illyria pondered that for a moment. "I am always right, though. It is my nature as a…"

"Ah ah ah." Mary Jane put one finger over Illyria's lips, halting her speech. "Nobody likes a know-it-all. Believe me, I found that out in middle school. Some people still won't stop calling me 'Brainy Jane' because of it. However, it is a known fact to all men in relationships that women are generally right and they are generally wrong. If you're supposed to be my replacement Peter, which is what you offered if I was your 'guide', that means you're the one in this who will generally be wrong. Understand?"

Sitting up and crossing her arms over her chest, Illyria adopted what looked almost like a pout. "I wish to learn more about humans, which means following their customs, and will not break my agreement with you. I understand." Cocking her head to one side, Illyria eyed Mary Jane. "Are you as familiar with the supernatural as you are with the superhuman? I would prefer not to have a guide ignorant of my world."

Supernatural? Mary Jane blinked owlishly at the abrupt change in conversation. Weren't they supposed to be kissing right now? "…uh, big no on the supernatural. And why do I have a feeling I'm not going to like this discussion?"


	4. Chapter Four

Joe's Note: Back by popular demand… one more chapter. That's it. Of course, if I get lots of reviews, I'll probably write more because I'm a total whore like that.

* * *

"So… you're not really a mutant, but some sort of demonic 'god-king' who was put away in a sarcophagus until these evil lawyers in LA woke you up. You infected the nearest person, who became your 'shell' and is the reason you look like a teenage girl. Except you're actually in your twenties and can shapeshift a bit, so you made yourself younger so this whole thing wasn't something straight out of Dateline. And now you have some of your old powers along with all of Peter's because he was stupid enough to play with this weird goo his father made. Is that everything?"

Illyria looked up at Mary Jane from her position with her head in the redhead's lap, blinking slowly as she thought it over. "An adequate summary of my history and present situation. I'm impressed at how concise you managed to make it; your kind generally lacks that ability."

Idly running her fingers through Illyria's hair, the most inane thought popped into Mary Jane's head. "You know, it sucks that you weren't awake that entire time." Illyria blinked and raised an eyebrow. "Well if I'm going to date someone who's older than human civilization, it would have been nice to be able to get some help on history exams."

"You are already in possession of the highest grades in the class for History, although that may partially be due to the fact that Peter considers it a 'soft' subject and does not apply himself." Illyria sat up, rolling her shoulders before sliding her legs over the edge of the bed and standing. "However, I possess an eidetic memory and could add historical accounts of human civilization to my future reading, which would allow me to assist you in studying."

That would be cool. Could also be fun to turn Illyria loose on one or two of her Shakespeare assignments for English, just to see what the demon came up with for analysis of the characters and events. Oh, to be a fly (or mutant spider-empowered human) on the wall when her teacher read over that paper. Mary Jane giggled before noticing Illyria opening one of her dresser drawers and pulling out… a bra? Patting her chest, Mary Jane blushed. Right. She'd neglected one when changing out of her wet clothes, although that didn't tell her… "Why are you suddenly all eager to get my clothes on?"

Illyria looked pointedly over at her bedroom door. "I am not. However, your parents have just entered the house. I know your father is not a pleasant man. Going down to introduce your new girlfriend while looking rumpled and missing an undergarment will only cause problems. He will likely become violent, and then I will be forced to harm him to protect you." Pondering that, Illyria dropped the bra on the floor and kicked it behind her. "On second thought, I wish to do violence this evening. Provoking him could provide me with an opportunity."

"No!" Dodging around Illyria, Mary Jane scooped up her bra and turned to present her back to the demon, quickly tugging her shirt off, slipping the bra on, and then wiggling back into her shirt before something occurred to her. "What do you want me to tell them about you?" Illyria made a vaguely inquisitive noise and she turned back around. "Well, you refer to humans as 'your kind' and stuff like that. Not to mention the blue. If I tell them you're a demon or a 'god-king', they'll have me committed or something. Can we say you're a mutant?"

"A mutant. _Homo sapiens superior_; possessing superhuman powers due to the presence of the so-called 'X-gene', named after Charles and Moira Xavier, who did the original research into it. Not to be confused with the so-called _Homo sapiens novus_, most of whom are illegal violations of the Superhuman Test Ban Treaty." Mary Jane's eyes widened and Illyria offered a small shrug. "I saw many stories about Peter, as well as the Ultimates, on the news. I wished to be fully informed before coming to this area because I did not think the government would be amused if I killed one of their pet soldiers. Not that the government's wishes concern me, but dealing with them would either require further killing of humans, which I promised not to do, or a great deal of unnecessary hassle. And yes, you may call me a mutant as the situation demands. It is preferable to pretending to be a human."

Before they could converse further, there was a loud shout from downstairs. "Mary Jane, I'm home!"

Mary Jane sighed. Alright, she could do this. "Coming, mom!"

* * *

"So when are you going to introduce me to your new boyfriend?" Mary Jane looked over at Liz Allen and raised an eyebrow curiously, prompting the blonde to continue. "What? You were all mopey about breaking up with Peter and then almost overnight? You're a walking advertisement for Prozac. So… who'd you replace Parker with and when do I get to meet him?"

Mary Jane grimaced; this definitely was not going to go over well. While Liz was the one person least likely to be surprised by the news of her new orientation (or perhaps new openness about her orientation was more accurate), the 'mutant' aspect of things was guaranteed to cause trouble. She momentarily debated avoiding the question, but doubted Illyria would be content to remain on the outside looking in at her social life the way Peter had for their time together. So, while Liz's metathesiophobia was going to be a problem, Mary Jane had to start somewhere… and since the blonde had asked… "Her." Liz blinked. "Her, not him. It's a girl."

Gasping, Liz looked both ways before leaning in. "Wait a minute here. Are we talking like, you met some girl who's your new BFF and she's helping you get over Peter? Because I'm pretty sure Dawn can take any other girl in the world and she's going to be a Not-So-Jolly Green Giant when she finds out. Or 'it's a girl' as in you had a bit too much fun that one time between us at the sleepover and went looking for more?"

"Wow. Ego much?" Mary Jane rolled her eyes at Liz, giving the blonde a playful shove as they wandered down the hallways, earning them muttered complaints from the other students. Down this hall, left, halfway down that hall, stop at her locker, rest of the way down the hall, right, down the front steps. Plenty of time to break the news to Liz. "But yes, girlfriend of the Ellen sort. Just warning you, you're probably not going to like her."

Liz shrugged off the redhead's warning as they reached the intersection of two hallways and turned left. "What, is she really ugly or stupid or something? She can't be stupid or you wouldn't be into her. Oh God, is she a goth? Because you look cute in black, but if your wardrobe goes completely one color and you start wearing black lipstick, I'm going to have to slap you."

Huh. Goth, ugly, and stupid. Well, Illyria was sometimes the first but never the other two. Mary Jane shook her head. "She's a little goth, but actually I'm thinking more of the fact that she's a bit too blue for you."

"Wait, what?" Liz froze in the middle of the hallway and Mary Jane gave a harsh yank on the blonde's wrist to get her moving again, not wanting to clog up the already overflowing corridor. "What do you mean she's blue?"

Mary Jane raised her fist and coughed into it. "Mutant."

Sighing, Liz threw up her arms in exasperation. "And see, I was just about to be happy for you. Even if she's a she and a little goth, she's probably a step up from Peter. But no. You're going from the king of the dorks to a lesbian mutant? Do you have any idea what this is going to do to your reputation?"

"I don't know, I think people will like her once they get to know her." At least on a superheroine level; Mary Jane couldn't exactly see Illyria having warm and fuzzy moments at sleepovers with her friends or just hanging out at a party. But since the brunette had no intention of keeping her identities separate, at least Mary Jane would be able to claim the prestige of dating a costumed hero, unlike when she'd been with Peter. And considering her generation had an unhealthy love for casual violence… Illyria and Venom were right up their alley.

A figure was waiting beside Mary Jane's locker when they got there, tapping her foot impatient. "C'mon!" Dawn reached up and slammed her fist against the combination lock, destroying it utterly before pulling the dented door open for Mary Jane. "Hurry up! I want to meet your new girlfriend!"

Liz glared at Dawn before turning a hurt look on Mary Jane. "You told HER before me?"

"First of all, Dawn, stop destroying my locker. The school is going to start charging me soon. And of course I did, Liz. Best friend. If you were actually willing to talk to Dawn without me being present to referee, she probably would have come to you looking for details and you would have found out a week ago. Besides, I didn't exactly have to worry about how Dawn would react to my girlfriend being a mutant." That just earned Dawn another glare from Liz, but Mary Jane decided not to care. She loved Liz dearly, but there were an increasing number of superhumans in her life. Liz either needed to grow up or back away, because Mary Jane wasn't going to ditch all of them just for one racist blonde. "Now, if you're ready… she's outside waiting to pick me up."

With Dawn's identity being a bit of an open 'secret' among the student body, the sight of her charging enthusiastically down the hall was enough to clear a path for them. Mary Jane and Liz followed a bit more sedately, catching up with the brunette just outside the front doors. Dawn looked back and forth, brow furrowed in confusion. "Okay… where is she? All I see are students."

Mary Jane snickered before looking up and catching sight of a familiar dark figure, making its way closer as it swung from building to building. "You're getting trained to fight flying villains too, right?" Dawn nodded and Mary Jane raised her hand, pointing one finger skyward. "Why are you only thinking in two dimensions, then?"

"You mean…" Dawn looked up and finally noticed Illyria's approach, breaking into hysterical laughter a moment later. "Holy shit. He sent you over to the Dyke Side. You went from Spider-Man to Spider-Woman. Do you… do you know how many jokes I'm going to make? And not just to you; I see Peter when I'm out and about, too…"

There was the whistling of an incoming object at a high rate of speed and then a black blur slammed into the pavement at Dawn's feet, digging a crater and sending cracks rippling outward. After a moment, Illyria straightened up and the monstrous jaws of her 'work' outfit retracted to reveal Illyria's face. "You can torment the arachnid if you wish, but if you harm Mary Jane, you will regret it." Mary Jane looked uncertainly between Illyria and Dawn, relaxing marginally when Dawn nodded and smiled. Dawn held out her hand and Illyria took it, eyes glazing over for a second before focusing again. "It's been a while since we last met… Oriens."

Dawn sighed and yanked her hand back, crossing her arms over her chest. "Way to blow my secret secret identity, Illyria."

Silence reigned until Liz voiced what Mary Jane was thinking. "I'm so confused."


End file.
